May 10, 2023
Where do I begin today? I just underwent a bizarre procedure, one in which imaging was done to look at my lower intestines and rectum to determine if everything has healed post tumor removal surgery. It is technically called a Fluoro LGI Colon, but I think it should really be called rectal waterboarding. Of everything I have endured since July of 2022, this has got to be one of the most awkward and peculiar things I have experienced. So let me break it down for you.
In preparation for this procedure, I had to follow some pretty strict guidelines. My last meal was 41.5 hours before my procedure time. Yesterday, I had to have a clear liquid diet, so I sustained myself on Kettle & Fire Chicken Bone Broth, Juve Hydration Pops (which are no longer available but I had a stash), water, and green tea.
At midnight, I had to refrain from consuming anything, not even water. Thankfully, I was able to sleep through the night. This morning, I shakily readied myself, and me and my cotton mouth jumped into the passenger seat as my husband drove us to Northwestern.
This is where it gets interesting. When I was called back for my appointment, I changed into a gown and was escorted into an X-ray room with its own private bathroom. The table I would lay on was vertical and rotated to a horizontal position. The procedure was overseen by a doctor and two radiologists. I first laid on the table for X-rays, on my back, slightly angled on both sides, and then completely on my left side. Then, the doctor did a physical rectal exam. Just as a side note, in the last year I now have had 6 different men, within 5 minutes of meeting me, put a finger up my butt. I am no longer embarrassed by this, but certainly is not the ideal.
Seriously though, this was to make sure they could safely insert the tube into my rectum. Yes, a tube. The tube would deliver the contrast dye into my intestines to illuminate any potential leaks. So in it went, and it took all three people to tape said tube to my butt cheek. As this fluid was sent into my intestines, more X-rays were taken: on my back, and sides. Every time I rotated, one of the radiologists had to hold the tube to make sure it stayed secure. Fantastic.
Once this was over with, I ended up laying on my back and the table was rotated to vertical so that the fluid could drain out of me, back into the tube and away. Which is also awkward has hell when two people are staring at you waiting for this process to finish. So we chatted about the return of hot pink (the nurse had hot pink shoes and nails), growing up in the 80’s, and aesthetic treatments.
As the flow of solution slowed, the tube was removed and I was instructed to spend some time in the private bathroom. And time did I spend. More solution moved through and out. If you find yourself in this situation, give yourself lots of time. No need to rush, because you don’t want an urgent situation to hit you in the hospital lobby like it did me!
After I thought it was all out, I returned to the table where final X-rays were taken. I went back to the changing room, used the bathroom two more times, and went on my merry way.
Coming home I had a light lunch, lots of water, and now a homemade matcha latte. My bottom is a little sore and a small headache from the lack of food and water, but otherwise no worse for the wear. AND…. No leaks! This means reversal surgery is in my near future!
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